I live with this constant notion that I’m always one step behind the other guy. A day late, a dollar short, as the saying goes.
It’s true in many aspects of my life and has been for years. As a teenager, I was always the last to wear whatever fashion was hot. I was always the last to hear about the great new television show, movie or rock group. It was something I learned to live with, but it always bothered me. Always made me feel like the odd one out.
Now, I’m way past those insecure teenage years, and still I’m out of sync with the world.
I’m usually one step behind. Answering loop posts one day late after the discussion has moved on. (One bad part about being on Digest for your Yahool groups. 😉
Fashion is still a mystery to me. I wear what I like, what fits and is comfortable. Usually what’s on clearance. 😉 Style isn’t something I worry about too much anymore, although lately I’ve realized I need to keep up my appearance just so I don’t get too down on myself.
Professionally, I feel like I’m shuffling through quicksand at the moment. The slowness of my own output brings me down. The lack of feedback and the seeming indifference to my work by colleagues, etc, makes me wonder if I am, yet again, missing something?
Personal relationships are good, however. It’s there that I seem to be on top of the world, at one with the time-keeper of my universe. And I suppose that is the most important aspect of life. Without family and friends, who would I have to dress up for? Who would I share my professional success, failures and complaints?
So I may still always feel a step behind… a day too late… a dollar lacking… But I’m blessed to know I’m loved, despite it all.